The Return to Innocence
by Ana Xpert
Summary: In the morning after a night of sex, present Rogue evaluates her life and comes to a long overdue realization.
1. chapter 1

First gray lights of the morning filter through the light-colored curtains and wake her up. First a groan, she stirs in bed lightly, then one eye opens slowly only to find she was not alone in bed. Of course, she wasn't. She spent the night with someone else. That was not the first time, and would definitely not be the last. Sighing heavily, she opens her eyes, and suddenly, all of her body is fully aware of her surroundings. She knows the man who was fast asleep next to her very well.

Such a mistake it had been! Why? Why in the world did she end up sleeping with Deadpool? Him of all people! Yes, he was around quite a lot lately, what with them working together, spending so much time in each other's company, one thing led to another. First came his impertinence, then their casual banter, one little provocation that became something else. The chance was in the air and she just took it, jumped right into the cold water because that's how she rolled these days. But now that the room was silent, her thirst for sex was quenched, all that remained was regret and self-pity. Not only that, in fact, also, emptiness. She was hollow inside, devoid of feelings, sex had meant nothing at all and it bothered her.

'What have I become?' Her brows furrowed as the silent question popped up in her mind.

She could hardly believe what she had turned herself into. A player. She had been playing the game just for the sake of it and, in the end, what did it matter anyway? There had been so many nights with men she was not in love with that she'd stopped keeping count.

Touching her own lips, she thought of how they have kissed so many people who were of little importance to her.

Her mind was spinning, her heart was riding a roller coaster of emotions and realization hits her hard like a train.

A snoring Wade Wilson stirs, holding his pillow tighter and the sounds he makes annoys her. If only she had been wise enough not to let him stay the night, she thinks. She devotes a couple of seconds to watch him sleep. In the bright light of the day, his deformed face repulses her.

'Ugh! When did your standards get that low, Anna?' She mumbles to herself. But it is not the ugliness that marked his face that appalls her. No, not really. It is herself and her lack of emotional attachment to a man to whom she had just surrendered her once most treasured confession of love, her naked body, her sex.

This was definitely not about his looks, she pondered. She could love a man like him. She was not that shallow, love was not about one's looks, she decided. But this isn't love, he knows it and she knows it. Being in love once, she knew how it felt like, or, in that case, didn't feel. She runs a hand through her hair and decides to take a shower because she now feels dirty and worthless. She had to wash him off her body.

As she listens to the sound the water makes as it splashes over her body, she scrubs her body rougher than usual, and immerses herself in thought. Inevitably, memories of a happier time of her life resurface, unannounced and uninvited.

She remembers an afternoon at the mansion when Remy Le Beau and she were lying in her bed next to each other contemplating their future. Daydreaming together, they imagined how their lives would be once she controlled her powers. They ended up discussing sex, more specifically, deciding whether or not they should have sex the moment she was finally able to touch.

"Pre-marital sex is a sin, isn't it?" She asked him.

"I don't know about that, chére. If it is, well, I'm bound to go to hell already anyway, so…" He said playfully while twirling a lock of her hair in his fingers, flashing that devilish smile of his, making her insides turn and her breath quicken.

"Well, that's what I was taught, you know about my religious upbringing, but… to be completely honest with you, I don't believe it is a sin if we make love. I mean, if the couple really loves each other, you know? If a man loves a woman and she loves him back, then, it can't be a sin."

"I agree, chére. How could love be something dirty, something bad, huh?" He asks her while caressing her cheek with his gloved fingers, his eyes shining brightly as they were firmly fixed on hers.

"Yeah, expressing love can't be a sin." She concluded.

That night they had cuddled in bed and talked for hours on end. Just being close to him, smelling his scent, being on the receiving end of his unwavering stare was all she could ask for. He made her so happy.

The naivety in her, the sweetness of her words and feelings! As she replayed the scene in her mind, it almost felt like it was an experience in the life someone else, not hers. How could she have deviated herself from who she was, from that sweet Mississippi girl, from where she had come from?

Back then, she had loved that man and he loved her back. It was pure, genuine and simple. So when the time came, she didn't hesitate before she took her clothes off for him and let him make passionate love to her, not once or twice but many, oh so many times. And it felt right, it didn't feel like a sin, not in the least. It felt like she was worshipping God and his creations by loving that man with her body as well as her heart.

What had become of that naïve girl, she wondered. That Southern sweet girl that blushed whenever her colleague-slash-friend-slash-love-of-her-life said anything spicier or as much as brushed a gloved finger over her face, where was she? She was lost forever. But was she really? And if she was, why? She couldn't pinpoint a turning point, a determining factor, nothing at all. There had definitely been one, though. She knew it. Perhaps it was a collection of things, all that she had been through. All the battles, all the hurt, the pain, the loss of loved ones and the notion of how ephemeral everything in life is. So she drank from life, as much as she could, as often as she could. And it would be okay to do so was she not so conflicted about it, was she not raping herself, going against all the things that deep inside she still believed. Sexually liberated Rogue was not who she truly was, she was some character she created, a character she'd been playing for far too long.

She could deny it all she wanted, she could spend even more years, swimming against the tide, fighting against herself, trying to hide the truth. And the truth was as clear as the day, she could see it now. She was living someone else's life, someone else's dream. This was not her. Going to bed with virtual strangers was not her, fighting without passion was not her and, finally, living without love in her life was not her. The realization that she was living a lie was so strong, it threatened to engulf her, strangle her, she grew more and more agitated by the second and struggled to breathe. Her heavy breathing sounds woke up her previous night partner.

"Rogue, is something going wrong? Why do you look like you just played with a sandpaper dildo? Are you alright?" She rolled her eyes at his dildo remark and sighed as she moved past him, walking briskly. She was carrying a large duffle bag.

"I'm not, Wade." She called out from her closet. "But I will be." She poked her head around the door, her eyes found his and she smiled mischievously.

"I'm going home!"

-0-

Author's Notes:

I wrote this literally at one go. If you want to correct any grammar issues, feel free to be my beta on-the-spot. LOL This was an idea that was in my mind for some time, I had written some of it and then decided it was not good at all, ended up writing this at one sitting.

Should I leave it as a one-shot? Would you like to read more of it? If you do, let me know.


	2. Chapter 2

The drive to the mansion was smooth and eventless. The taxi driver didn't talk much and the woman with the white streaked hair silently thanked God for that. She was in no mood for small talk. Above, the sky was dominated by tumbling greys, smoky and silver. Her eyes stayed on the people and buildings that she saw passed her by in a blur through the passenger window. They were there in view for just a split-second and then, gone. Like most people in her life, she concluded. But not all of them had been like that, that's true. And that was precisely what she was after, the people that stayed, one way or another. She longed to be with the few people that cared, the people that knew the person she really was before she gave up her values and her true essence. It was as good a starting point as any, possibly, the best, and perhaps only, one available.

It started to rain hesitantly and politely. Comforting rain, she decided. The driver slowly pulled over and she glanced quickly at the familiar building before turning her attention back to her bag, getting her wallet and paying the middle-aged man who watched her curiously.

"Are you sure you got the right address, ma'am?" he asked. "This is an institution for one of those people, you know?" In another time, another life, she would have argued, asked him what kind of people he was talking about. They were her people! She would have lectured him about how mutants were mostly regular, pacific people and were as good as any human. But she knew the man meant well, in all his misguidance.

The fact that the average person, a teenager many of the times, can possess some random power is scary. Not any power, but one that is potentially debilitating, endangering, life-threatening. Sadly she knew that, despite all Professor Xavier's efforts, our society still thinks of mutants as a menace. Admittedly, they are creatures with great powers who can use their gifts to whatever purpose they wish. However, for many mutants, such as herself, it is a curse.

Wisely, she chose to hold her tongue. No lecturing against his bigotry would do her any good. Not now, she didn't have the strength or the patience. She took a big gulp of air, counted to ten inside her head and assured him the address was good.

The address was right, indeed. 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, Weschester County: the one and only place in the world that had ever felt like home to her.

The coper plaque read Xavier Institute, but she remembered all the other names it had gone by before. She stood right in front of the sign and it reminded her not only of Xavier but also, of Jean. She sighed deeply. The institution's name was now an in memoriam tribute to its founder. The man that had such a drive, a passion for his ideals. He was a formidable man, Rogue decided.

He took her in when nobody else would, a young girl, foster daughter of a well-known terrorist, a terrorist herself. He saw past that, he knew that she had been trained that way before she had the discernment, the maturity to understand what it was the she was doing by following her mother's orders. She was more a victim than a rogue. But that codename stuck, didn't it? She chuckled lightly.

That man promised he would help her out with her powers. It took him long, true, it did. But he was true to his word in the end.

'Oh, Charles! You meant so much to me, more than you knew.' She thought sadly, her eyes glued to his name on the plaque. She was so absorbed in thought that she didn't realize the gate had opened for her. She looked around, searching for a camera to wave at, but didn't find any. So, she slowly walked in, self-consciously hugging herself as she marched inside the property.

Her heart both sank and rose all at once. It sank because she used to know every hideout, every flower and fruit in every tree, every tile on that rooftop, yet no longer. She hadn't forgotten, things had simply changed. Still, she rose to imagine what awaited her inside, a route of self-discovery, a chance at being her long lost self again, a place of more love and warmth than she had had all these countless days that had been away, days that had gone by so fast, yet so agonizingly slow.

Everywhere her eyes landed on, she saw ghosts of her younger self, of her friends, having fun, laughing out loud. That place had had more incarnations than she could keep count, being extensively rebuilt and renovated after attacks. But somehow, there was comfort in familiarity. Some things remained the same, like the scent coming off the gardens and the freshly mowed lawn.

When she reached the main entrance door, it swung open as if on cue. From inside, came Ororo, her long-time friend and team member, her face held a serene expression and an easy smile adorned her lips.

"Dear Rogue, it's so good to see you." She spoke earnestly.

"Thanks for having me, Ororo." She said, a smile blooming on her lips, matching the other woman's own.

"Thanks? Don't thank me. This is your home as much as it is mine." She offered while guiding her into the mansion.

There was no need to go into the details of why she was back there, those were dealt with over the phone. Also, she already knew there was a senior staff meeting scheduled for the morning. Ororo had decided that would be a wonderful opportunity for Rogue to be introduced to current issues and also, welcome back into the team.

As soon as she stepped in the cold room, she felt her presence was appreciated. Even though, it was all too obvious that the gaping hole she left on departure had long since healed and scarred up, she felt people were happy to see her. It was true that she was no longer part of the natural flow of their lives, but there was no judgement in the warm looks they threw her way.

There were no warm embraces, but simple nods, hellos, honest smiles and welcome backs. After all, they were in the middle of something and her arrival interrupted it. There would be time for proper greetings later. Then, her eyes met his. He, too, was one of those who nodded simply. But the little tug on the corner of his lips was still there. But it wasn't enough. She sighed briefly, trying to keep her emotions on check. This was not about him, she had to remind herself.

Long ago, in that kind of situation, he would pat at the seat he'd saved her. All weddings, all graduation ceremonies, and even funerals, they were sure to be side by side. Group pictures of several yearbooks would attest to that fact. Always close together, forever within an arm's reach, but not quite. She steals another glance at him and finds his eyes were secretly watching her too. For an instant, her mind drifts away to the previous night, her missing her old self, and then him, popping into her mind. She realizes she made the memories of their closeness her personal safe place.

Ororo was going over a spreadsheet and sometimes she would allow people to make questions. Her phone vibrated. Absentmindedly, she swiped her finger over the screen and found out it was her old boss, Steve Rogers. Hesitantly she turned the call down. Seconds later, a notification popped up, making the phone vibrate once again.

'That will not be, Cap. That's me. How are you? Am I such a bad ride that you had to quit the Avengers and go crying to your Ace of Spades? Is MY spade that bad?'

She rolled her eyes, and shook her head lightly. Chewing the inside of her cheeks, she looked sideways, trying to make sure nobody could see her screen, and fired a quick text.

'You talk too much even in texts.'

He sent her some anecdote, to which she replied only 'I'm busy.'

'I bet you are. Slapping bellies the two of you?'

'Fuck you, Wade.'

'So we're good, then. I'll leave you to it. Call me if you need sex, I mean, if you need anything.'

Ororo asked her if she was still with them. Clearly, the only person in the room not paying close attention. She apologized, declaring those were 'Avengers pending issues'. Clearing her throat, Storm continued her monotone speech. She felt every bit like the little girl caught playing with fire, her cheeks reddened, she could feel them burn. That was not because of Wade Wilson's text himself. No, he didn't make her feel giddy or anything. But Remy being in the room while Deadpool made mentions of sex made her feel a little uncomfortable.

Another quick glance around and she caught Remy LeBeau's eyes glancing her way. Their eye contact lasted less than a second. He was very quick to look away, as if she had the Medusa's stare. Well, she couldn't turn men into stone, but she could surely send that Cajun to hell and back. That much he knew for a fact.

Rogue resumed listening to her old friend in silence. So did everyone else. When it was time for all the participants to take a stand, she preferred to keep to herself in the background. Listening intently, but adding little to nothing to the arguments being raised. Once it was all over, she went to her room. It was not exactly the same room she had for years and years, but they all looked the same. Her duffle bag was still on the floor. After a long while contemplating if she should unpack it or not, she decided against it and threw her tired self onto the bed. A couple of hours passed her by as she stared at the ceiling and thought about her life. Was that the right thing to do? Go back to being a full time X-Men? Would that bring her what she wanted: peace and a sense of fulfilment? Most importantly, would that place, those people bring her back her innocence of days past?

Finally, she decided against moping around for the rest of the day and made herself useful. She saw Storm about the school's curriculum and together they found some classes she could teach to get her back into it. The Wolverine was also there, and he had asked her if she was real about being a full-time X-Men or if that was just a moral hangover. She tried to 'don't know what you mean, sugar' him, but he knew her better than that and she knew it too, so, she ended up confessing to him that true, it had been a spur of the moment decision but she was taking it very seriously.

"See it that you do, kiddo. Don't go breaking our friends' hearts."

"I won't, Wolvie. You can rest assured that I'm serious about it." She replied firmly.

In the evening she joined Kurt and Kitty for dinner in a restaurant nearby. They talked about the old days and they had also updated her on the mansion's latest. It was good fun. She felt she'd made the right choice. That was the place to be.

At night, though, alone in her bedroom, all her insecurities haunted her. Memories of many nights of meaningless lust, of how she had betrayed herself for nothing. Nothing at all. What had come out of selling herself short? Feeling, once again, engulfed by those feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, she resorted to a place that had been her hideaway so many nights before.

One of the few things that hadn't changed much about the mansion was the view from the rooftop and the feel of the cold night air against her skin. The view was soothing, and the brisk weather was invigorating. They had always made her think clearly, put her thoughts into perspective. But then, she smelled his presence. His thief walk was imperceptible, no noise was made, but she could feel him, somehow.

He said nothing and neither did she. Without an invitation, he sat by her side and the both of them took in the view in silence and stayed like that for God knows how long.

It was awkward. The silence was disturbing. But, for the moment, it felt right.

-O-

Author's Notes:

Sorry for disappearing for a while. I have been exhausted lately, have a flu that never goes away. I could hardly keep up with the fics I read, let alone write my own.

I feel like I haven't thanked all the people who reviewed this. I usually do PMs but I might have thanked some of you, but not all of you. It was not intentional and I haven't kept track of who I thanked and I'm too lazy to go check, so here it goes. Thank you **katkaract52, JasmineBella, Legna, daniellemlac, ferosa, Ludi, Irbis, ripdeyan** and **darklover**. I really appreciate each of you for taking your time and leaving me insightful comments. I'll try to get a grip and reply to everyone personally again this time.

There will be one more chapter to this. I decided to make it a short fic but not a one shot. I hope I'm not disappointing anyone.


	3. Chapter 3

Night time had always been the time when the demons residing within her came out to play; to bring out her worst fears and insecurities. But, that night was different, she was at peace with herself after her most recent resolution to go back home.

But, still, deep inside, something still didn't feel right and she couldn't put a finger on it. Battling her insomnia was pointless, she soon found out. There was only place to go in that case, and so that's why she climbed all the way up to reach her favorite place in the whole mansion.

There, her angels, if they existed, decided to shield her from the darkness, pain, and agony. Her heart didn't throb; being in her old hideaway turned her soul into a bird in the sky. She sighed contently at that feeling.

It was very late at night, a time when even the city lights ebbed to a mere inkling. They dwindled to a smattering of stubborn night owls. Only then, the sky became sprinkled with stars. Only then, she felt whole.

Then along came him. She savored the breeze by his side in silence. Who was she fooling? She knew she loved him still, Remy Lebau, her lifetime friend and partner. At first, it felt strange not saying a word, not resorting to their casual banter, but then, what would they say to each other? Silence was their only option. It was the only way to go, she decided.

He sighed audibly. She couldn't tell if that was an expression of relief or apprehension. Probably the latest, but he kept his calm poise so convincingly that it made her wonder which one it was.

As minutes passed by, the awkwardness turned into some sort of immaterial balsam. With every moment came peace, and, with every breath, exuberance. Just being in his presence sufficed.

"So…" She trails off, hugging herself a little tighter.

Still nothing, he doesn't say a word, keeping his fixed gaze on the horizon. "How have you been?" she musters the courage and completes. It saddened her how she didn't have it in her to just say everything she felt like saying. Worse still, she didn't know what to say because they were living such different lives these days. How could she make small talk? Why wasn't it easy?

"Why did you come back?" He asks bluntly and finally turns his face to hers. Obviously, he was in no mood for small talk and she wasn't expecting that. His eyes tried hard to find hers and when they did, his pool of black eyes held her stare in place. She stuttered, not really knowing how to answer that question, a million butterflies set aflutter her stomach.

It was unsettling that she unprepared for him being so straightforward. Did that mean he was angry at her? Wasn't he happy to see her at all? Gone was the sly grin, the flirtatious looks, the banter, his seduction attempts. All that stayed was Remy, sharp, focused and pissed.

"I came down this morning and was as surprised at the news as everyone else." He finally made it all perfectly clear.

"Sorry, sugar." She said, emptily. Not really sure if the fact she didn't reach out for him was worthy of an apology. "I promise, this is not about you, about us…" He shook his head at her words, she had got it all wrong. His reaction made her cringe. 'Foot in my mouth. Again!' she thought.

"It's not that. It's just that, I always thought that to you I wasn't everyone else. You called Storm, but didn't bother to call me." He explained calmly, or so he hoped that's how it would come across. It didn't. Rogue just stared at him, wide-eyed. Her heart beat hard, her breath quickened. She felt like the mouse cornered by the cat.

"When did we stop being friends?" He asked her in all seriousness. His voice was casual, he didn't sound hurt like his words implied. But his face, his unmoving lips, they gave him away.

"We didn't, did we?" She frowned as she said the words.

"You are clearly troubled about something and it never occurred to you that I'm always up for helping you out. You can always come to me, chére. And you always did. Till now. " He completed, trying hard but failing to hide away his emotions. And it made her heart ache deeply. Remy LeBeau was still a prince. Not remotely resembling the likes of the guy she had been most recently linked to.

Reminding herself of how much that man right next to her meant, of all the things they'd been through together, walked right through heaven and hell with him, she decided to be as frank as she had been with Storm and told him all about what was troubling her.

"I don't know how you do it, seriously, I don't." She let out in exasperation. "Sleeping with people you are not in love with… people you barely know…"

"Well, a man can get enough of waiting for the one woman he loves to realize he's the only one she's ever needed." He interrupted her, speaking earnestly. Her brain was spinning at this point, she didn't even register what he said about loving a woman.

"More like old habits die hard, sugar." She joked. There, banter, easy once again.

"You break my heart, chére." He said, placing his hand on his chest, doing a little scene for her benefit. They both laugh at that and the mood lightens. She finally smiles at him, a big, wide one and it's contagious. He reciprocates effortlessly.

"I wanted, I wanted to find out how exactly I fell from grace, you know? That's why I came back. I had this idea, that maybe… maybe I could go back to my old self, find the innocence that was lost. Be true to myself, to my values and morals once again."

"I don't know how that would work, chére. All the experiences that we've had in life, well, they make us who we are, don't you think? Get broken hearted once, you'll get more cautious next time, you know? That sort of thing. And you know, loss of innocence is not about losing one's virginity, not about sex, or becoming more liberated. It's about feeling, having the ability to feel, Do you follow me?" She nodded lightly. "You lose your innocence when you can't feel when nothing has you thrilled. Nothing affects you anymore because you've grown too cynical. Bon, at least, that's how it feels for me."

"Gosh, Remy. You're right. You are so fucking right!" She stands up, hands in her forehead, realization hitting her hard. It was the final piece of the puzzle, she thought. It was all about feeling. She started walking back and forth on the roof. Her ex-man watched her intently, concerned.

"No matter how long I touch and am touched, I feel nothing. I don't get the buzz, not like before. Then I get puzzled, gutted at myself because I want to feel things." She paused, eyed him cautiously before taking the plunge and confessing it all to him. "Like I felt when I was with you." In all my naivety, I wanted to find true love, wanted to be someone's whole world. I wanted to travel the stars and back and take this person with me! I wanted to be someone's wife, a mother. Two children, perhaps? I wanted to devote my life to a cause, too. To fight for something I strongly believed in. But now, I can't find that girl and all her determination inside of me anymore. That girl died and I can't tell when or why she did, she just did. And now I don't feel, and I have no soul left to shatter. I'm just… I'm empty, Remy."

"I should have proposed to you in Vale Solleada." He spoke sadly, in a low voice. As if he was talking to himself, voicing his realization that came too late.

"What!? No, Remy!" She shouted out. Only to adjust her tone of voice as she continued. "No, I'm not blaming you. I… You… No, sugar. Please, understand. I promise you, this is not what this is about. That's why I didn't go and reached out to you. I knew you'd take this the wrong way."

"What else do you think caused you to change? What else but heartbreak and deception?" He stood up and reached out for her. Tenderly, he threw his arms around her body and held her gently, just so she would stop pacing back and forth. Her breathing hitched and she looked up into his eyes.

"This is not about us." She said once more, shaking her head. "This is not only about the sex, either. It's about all the other things. My career, my life choices…"

"No, it's not and you know it." He brushed her lips with his thumb. Adoring eyes staring down at her. "You miss the way you were, chére. And, to be very honest with you, I miss her too. My old Rogue, my sweetheart, my angry little one, kicking about and telling me to fuck off. She was so genuine, unique. You were true to yourself, chére. Now, well, sometimes it seems like I don't know you."

A stubborn tear rolled down her face.

"Mais, chére, new Rogue has some things I admire. She's calmer, focused, more centered. Old Rogue would have just flown away when I said things she didn't wanna hear. Yet, you're still here."

"You didn't say anything that would make me run off." She said, closing her eyes as she felt his fingers caressing her hair softly.

"Just said je t'aime, chére."

"Oh, sugar! If I told you I didn't love you at all, that the road without you is safer, easier, I know you'd laugh at my face, now wouldn't you? Because you knew I'd be lying!" She disentangled herself from his arms, and stepped back. "Loving you, it's not even that complicated, now is it? I am complicated, now I see. And every time I try to run away from you, I end up getting closer to you. Like now."

He tried to say something, but she placed a finger on his lips and continued. "I looked for all excuses in the world not to face you, what I feel for you, what you represent to me. I've said I was over you, but you know me, you know my smile, you can read my eyes. Oh, Remy, I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you, for giving you mixed signals. I've fucked us up every time we tried. Anyways, you said you've had enough of waiting for the woman you love. You're right. Who would've waited?"

"Chére, just say the word. Say the word and I'll wait some more."

"I can't do that to you, honey. You don't deserve it. Besides, I don't want to be a thorn in your side. You don't need…" And that's when he silenced her with a kiss. His hand held her under her chin while his lips brushed hers softly. She threw her arms around him, both her hands found the back of his neck and stayed there, caressing it gently. He kissed her again and again. He didn't know about her, but kissing her was not just another kiss. It meant something, it made feel things all over again.

"Do you want me to wait for you to be ready?" He asked as soon as their lips parted. She could have asked him what he was referring to. 'Ready for what exactly?' came to her mind, but she wouldn't dare. She knew exactly what he was talking about. And she knew he had waited and waited for her, time and again. It was hardly fair what she did to him and she felt she couldn't possibly ask him for any more than he'd already given her. But she heard her own voice saying 'yes' before she could stop herself.

"C'est bon, chére. Trés bon." he slurred, the essence of a smile tugging at his lips. Her own lips were adorned with a smile too, one that widened across her face beautifully.

"Ok, Cajun. We have a deal, then. Now, what do you say we go down to the kitchen, you fix me something nice to eat and tell me all about what you've been up to lately."

"That's a good plan, chére." He answered, offering a hand to her, to help her climb out of the roof.

"Hey, sugar, we can always do it like in old times." She said as she flew up in the air taking him with her in her arms.

-O-

One month later, Rogue was well settled in her new old routine. Classes in the morning, danger room training in the afternoons. Her evenings were spent between coaching students, friends and her books. It was nice not having to prove anything to anyone. She didn't need to hit bars and clubs to show the world she was living the life she always wanted. It was wonderful being herself, not pretending. She was content living in the mansion.

Remy LeBeau had been away for the past two weeks and as much as she wanted to act nonchalant about it, she missed his company. They had acquired the habit of watching TV series together and also hitting the gym together. In between press-ups and pulldowns, they'd discuss mutant activism and current politic affairs. Never had they succumbed to getting close and personal after that night on the roof. And, secretly, she wondered when she'd give him the green light.

'When was the right time?' She wondered. They were at a great place right now, why go and screw it all up?

"You gotta do it better than that, kiddo." The Wolverine spoke from the control room.

"Sorry, sugar. I was distracted, I'll admit. Can you start it all over again?"

"Gambit's here, Rogue. You mind if I let him in with you?"

"Of course not, Wolvie."

And so enters Gambit, after they successfully cruise through Logan's program, he challenges her to a duel.

"If I win, I'll take you out on a date. If I lose, then you decide whether or not you want to go on a date with me." He says with a smirk.

"Is that so, honey?" She says, laughing out a delicious laugh that has his heart singing. "Bring it on." She adds.

Over the years, she developed her own techniques to fight off opponents taller than her. She knew he'd stay at range and counter her with fast jabs as she leaned in to try and bridge the distance. So she settled for using a feeler punch to draw his jab-counter then fight at her own range. So much for fight planning though. He lost it on purpose.

Ten minutes into the fight, he gave it all away. She rolled over him and got him immobilized.

"Hey, that wasn't fun. You didn't try hard." She said.

"I'm a gentleman, chére. Would never force you to go on a date with me."

She looked down at him and exploded with laughter. So, he wanted a date, so a date he would get.

-O-

Author's Notes:

So guys, I know it's been a while. Do you even remember this story? LOL Well, I just felt like apologizing for all the fluff in this chapter. I first started this fic as something different in style for me, well, it still is, the lack of conflict is... conflicting!

So here it goes, I hope you guys enjoy it.

I was supposed to end this fic here, but couldn't bring myself to shy away from an opportunity of writing their date in a bit more detail, if you know what I mean. Wink wink! Coming soon, I promise. :D


	4. Chapter 4

Windows were rolled down and her hair was flowing freely. The speed was way above-permitted limit when she swerved the car into a virtually deserted residential street. An upbeat tune played on her car stereo, she found herself humming and tapping her thumbs against the wheel to the rhythm of the music. She had just been to the dry cleaner's to pick up a gown she was going to wear later that night.

"We are lost without each other! We are lost without each other!" She sang the chorus to the top of her lungs in unison with the also Southern singer. Her Southern drawl ringing freely, being carried out of the window by the light breeze. She chuckled as she realized that she and Remy were two dumb fucks who were indeed lost without each other.

"That devil!" She murmured to herself with a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, shaking her head as she thought of what he had done the previous night. She woke up to find a brand new teddy bear neatly placed on her bed, lying right next to her. In its paw there was a not-so-neatly folded paper, inside the words: 'Don't forget: Tonight, 7pm. Wear something nice.' She could picture him smirking as he wrote that down.

'He had the nerve to break into my room, that dirty thief!' There was no need to put up a show, pretending she was angry about it, there was no one around. An easy wide grin split her face in two and a sigh escaped her. She was happy, she concluded. Happier than she'd been in a long, excruciating long time. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this light-hearted.

Hurriedly, she got out of the car as soon as she parked it in her usual spot, grabbed the gown that had been carefully placed on the back seat. Pulling down the protective bag zip, she touched the garment softly, trailing a finger over the smooth yellow silk. 'It'd better be worth it, Cajun.' She thought and smiled. The last time they had a date, the means of transportation he provided made her hair all wild and she was almost butt naked having to ride in his bike.

Earphones on, she strode through the hall. She was heading to the kitchen, humming a song as she went. Occasionally, she would also sing along.

"Come on, vogue

Let your body move to the music

Moooove to the music

Hey, hey…er…

Hey, you guys!" She added to the song, trying to hide the fact she was singing that old 90s song to the top of her lungs. Kitty giggled at her friend's failed attempt to sound normal.

Rogue couldn't help but narrow her eyes a little, studying Kitty and Ororo's facial expressions. Kitty couldn't wipe that smile off her face if her life depended on it. Rogue took off the earphones and voiced her suspicions.

"You guys, you're so busted! You were talking about me, weren't you?" They were the world's worst liar both of them, she thought. She wasn't mad, though. Just curious.

"Nope, you got it wrong. We weren't!" Kitty was quick to retort. Ororo rolled her eyes at the younger woman and decided there was nothing to hide.

"We were indeed, Anna. We were commenting on how nice it is to see you and Remy so excited this morning. It reminds me of good old days. It's a breath of fresh air."

"Excited? Was he… excited? You think? I… I haven't seen him or spoken to him today." She intended to sound nonchalant but it didn't help her that she was stuttering. She could feel her cheeks burning hot, and shook her head. Unbelievable, after all this time, the Cajun still had that effect on her, she thought.

"Yes, siree." Kitty replied. Her eyes were glinting with joy.

"Well, mmm, that's good to know. And… yeah, I'm excited about tonight too. He asked me out on a date. For some reason, he decided I'm ready for it without me saying so." She felt uncomfortable discussing her inability to take a stand when their relationship was concerned and decided to steer the conversation to another direction. "I got this dress for the special occasion. What do you girls think?" She handed over the package to Ororo, who unzipped it carefully. They were all oohs and aahhs when a student walked in, he checked his surroundings before approaching Anna Marie.

"Ms. Rogue, er… Mr. LeBeau asked me to hand you this." She gave him a genuinely puzzled look and the boy simply shrugged. Shyly, the young mutant handed her an envelope.

"Thank you, sugar." She replied in a soft voice. "Why did he put you to this?" On a whim, she asked curiously.

"I need two extra points so I wouldn't fail in Sex-Ed."

There was this second of silence, she almost had to hold her lips together so she wouldn't burst into laughter. The glance Kitty spared her didn't help her either, but she managed to keep a straight face. "Thanks, honey. Now off you go, sugar. I'll make sure Mr. LeBeau gets a piece of mind. It's not right to exchange extra marks for favors."

"Er…Thank you, Ms. Rogue." Poor thing was unsure that was a good thing. He still needed those damn two points.

The boy left and Kitty and Rogue manage to hold it for a few seconds before laughing out loud. Not sure if she was laughing at Remy for always being bent on making mischief, or at the boy for failing Sex Ed. With a sigh after all the laughter, she finally opened the envelope. Inside she found two items that made her smile: an elegantly handwritten little note, and her favorite candy bar.

' _I still remember_.' It read. She smiled brightly and wondered if she looked every bit the fool-in-love she was feeling like. She realized there was something else scribbled on the other side of the paper and turned it over. ' _Can't wait to spend time with you later tonight. Yours, Remy_.'

Later that day, as she got dressed for their date, the words 'I still remember' were swimming in front of her eyes. It was unsettling. Even if she wanted, she couldn't help but wonder his motivation for such a move. What did he mean he still remembered? What exactly? There were so many things he could be implying subtly with those three words. Rogue being Rogue, obviously, she'd go and think of the worst-case scenario.

'Does that mean he never forgets a thing? Like all the times I swept the carpet off his feet and had him land on his own ass?' Throughout the years, she always demonized herself for their relationship never working, for their inability to stay together. She thought of all the times she said she wasn't ready but gave him hope that one fine day she would be. For onlookers, it certainly looked like she didn't want him but kept him hanging, just in case. On top of that, there was that stunt with Magneto. She cursed herself under her breath for that and shook her head. The memory was cringe-worthy.

But now she was! She was ready! She knew it! She did all the re-evaluation she thought she needed to do, and came to the conclusion that the X-Men were her family and she wasn't happy elsewhere. Most importantly, she realized he, Remy LeBeau, was her home after all. He was the link to her old self, to the innocent girl who blushed at his naughty insinuations, to the girl that loved, that cared. She hadn't told him exactly that yet, but still…

'Maybe tonight.' She thought as she applied the second coat of mascara, only to correct herself a second later. "No, maybes, Anna. Definitely tonight."

-O-

The vision of her walking down the stairs with that beaming smile of hers directed at him was a heavenly one. She was absolutely stunning and he sighed despite himself. So much for all that champion poker face that he had cultivated over the years!

"Hi there, sugar." She breathed out as she approached him, so sensually. 'What is it intentional?' He wondered, or was she just always sexy like that. To him, she was. She would always be.

"Evening, chére." He said, lips slightly curved as he gave her an inevitable once over.

"So, what do you have in store for us tonight?" She asked,d him casually and they strode outside, arm in arm.

"Oh, plenty, chére. Plenty." He said as he led her to a yellow Lamborghini. He knew she loved cars, he was clearly trying to impress, or so she thought. She couldn't stop herself from touching the car hood appreciatively.

"A Huracán coupé! You gotta be fucking kidding me, Cajun. How did you… where did you…Wow!" She questioned him with an inquisitive look in her eyes.

"Nothing screams Remy has been here better than she does, wouldn't you agree, chére?"

"I see. An alibi." She thought out loud.

"Among other things." He completed. She wasn't sure she appreciated the other things he was referring to. Probably attracting women, as if he needed help with that anyway. Allowing jealousy take driver's seat for a second, she glared at him instinctively. Knowing her as well as he did, he figured out alright what was clouding her mind and tried to distract her. "Wanna drive?"

"Hell yeah, I wanna drive." She said enthusiastically, pushing those unwelcome thoughts aside. Besides, she had no right to feel that way and she knew it.

The ride was fun and both of them settled back into the more comfortable roles of old time friends. They arrived at their destination, an expensive rooftop view restaurant.

"You know I'm not that kind of girl, don't you? Burgers would've been just fine." She joked as soon they had been seated.

"On the contrary, I guess you haven't got the full extent of what you truly deserve for a long time, chére." He held her gaze as she digested the meaning of his words. She got the message alright. He offered his hand across the table and she slipped her own into his. He gave it a gentle squeeze before intertwining his fingers with hers. The fire in his eyes, it was criminal. It made her do wild things, like ignoring all the people around them and go sit on his lap, bury her hands in his hair and kiss his lips and neck until he got the clue and took her somewhere private.

That wasn't an option, though. All eyes were on them, obviously the most beautiful and well-dressed couple in the restaurant. It made her feel a bit self-conscious and that's not how she'd seen this night in all her anticipation. She wanted it to be more carefree, more like they were way back then. Well, the teasing and banter were still there at least.

"You never mentioned it, a gentleman as you are, as you have always been, but I appreciate you waiting for this, for tonight."

"I couldn't have done this patiently it if it weren't for us reconnecting in other ways recently. Yes, I'm talking about you cuddling up to me in your sleep while we watch Game of Thrones."

"Excuse me, sir! I never fall asleep while I'm watching it."

"Oh, yes, you do!" He said, a mischievous smile played on his lips. "What about that time you wanted to watch Rogue One? Sweet lord, you snored and drooled on my shirt!"

"I did not!" She said, shaking her head and unable to hold her laugh for more than a second.

"You know you did, don't you, chére? That's why you're laughing. And among other things that are too explicit to be pronounced while we are surrounded by strangers, you said you loved me in your sleep."

"Don't believe you." She tried to reproach him, but didn't manage to sound convincing. The corners of her mouth twitching upwards, despite her best effort to keep a straight face.

"Ok, don't, then."

"Well, if I did, you can't blame me. That film was boring." She commented humorously.

"So you don't deny it, then. Why don't you just admit the truth?" He said pointedly and suddenly she wasn't sure if he was talking about the fact that she fell asleep in his arms while watching a film or if he was talking about her feelings towards him.

Her breath caught in her throat at that thought. Fuck yeah, he knew it and she knew it. She loved him and he loved her back. Why the hell were they playing pretenses again when they'd been so open about it on that night at the mansion rooftop?

As if reading her thoughts, he reached out to touch one glistening white curl that had strayed across her eyes. She was suddenly perfectly still, staring back at him. Her eyes were wide-open, innocent, like they'd been years and years ago, he thought. She broke eye contact and sighed deeply.

"What was that note all about, huh, Remy?" She asked him, trying to sound casual.

"Huh?" He asked, clearly distracted by her looks. Staring at her, his own mind was swirling, thinking about all the things he wanted to have had with her. A house, peace, two children, perhaps…

"I still remember?" She asked him. "What do you mean you still remember? There were so many things, so much hurt and pain, and some good days too, but… what I mean is, you never do anything without a clear intention. What's up, honey?"

"Don't worry, chére. It's nothing bad, I assure you."

"So you don't deny there's some agenda behind that note and the chocolate bar." She arched an eyebrow at him.

"It's something good, chére, I promise. But I'd rather save that talk for later, if you don't mind." He held her hand in his and gallantly kissed its back. "Trust me." He added softly.

The sexual tension was in the air, just as it always had been whenever the two of them were close. Their friends have always complained about that. Rogue and Gambit had no idea how tangible it was and how much it affected other people. The waiter saw the way they were looking into each other's eyes and daren't come close and interrupt them. Eventually, the tension subsided gradually as conversation flowed freely and uninterruptedly again. They wined and dined, and when dinner was over, he suggested maybe it was time for her to show him her kind of fun.

"That is actually an excellent idea. Since you've become King, your tastes have grown way too sophisticated." She joked.

So off they went, she drove them to a bar, conveniently named Ace Bar.

'God, I swear that I hadn't planned this, but it's damn funny!' She thought.

It was kind of an inside joke to her, Deadpool was still being a good friend to her. As good as he could manage to be, anyway. He would call her from time to time, checking on her. Ace, that's how he'd always refer to Gambit.

"So Ace has been taking it slow this time, huh? I could always step in if he's not willing to."

"Oh fuck you, Wade."

"No, I meant you. I can always fuck you if he won't."

"I don't know why I bother talking to you."

"Love you too, Roguey." She chuckled lightly at the memory.

'Ace Bar, that's where you took Ace? That's hilarious!' She could see him saying already. Remy wondered what was so funny that had her sniggering but decided not to intrude.

The bar was basically one big, long room divided into two semi-separate spaces. Up front, there was the bar, and in the back, there were games like skee ball and pool. There were booths in both spaces, but Rogue had other ideas, and headed straight to the pool table, making sure she would claim it for their use.

Her yellow silk long dress shimmered in the somewhat dark room, the fabric clung to the right places and it made the men's heads turn around, hungry eyes following her. Not minding them, Remy headed to the counter and got them drinks.

As they started to play, the heavy stares intensified.

"Man, look at that ass!" a man called to his friends when she bent over the table and took aim. Remy obviously heard it and slid his hand to the small of her back, and corrected her aim slightly. She knew what he was doing, showing the lady was his. As his hand becomes lower, its meaning becomes deeper. He settled it around her waist. There, a definite signal for other guys to back off. His bravado definitely turned her on. He smirked at her the moment their eyes met again, that was when she went absolutely weak in the knees.

They stared at each other without saying a word, and an irresistible impulse to kiss her took the best of him, so he acted on it. His mouth brushed across her slightly parted lips in a tantalizing whisper of movement that sent a swift arrow of lust directly to her core. Then he settled his mouth on hers. And it was like a lightning struck her. She was feeling it, feeling it all: the sheer thrill of being in love. There was no mistaking it. She made her feel alive again, her heart was hammering against her ribcage, a million emotions resurfacing all at once.

'My God! This is it! He is it! All I've been looking for. I'm so stupid for running away from this feeling for so long.'

When their lips parted, he stared down into her eyes, seeing the love she held for him in them. He knew her too well to miss the signs. His eyes, shining red irises surrounded by a pool of darkness, between thick, dark lashes, danced over her face.

"Chére, I…"

"Let's go home, sugar." It was all she managed to say. He simply nodded.

-o-

The mansion was seemingly asleep, most lights were out, an eerie silence. How long had they been out? Rogue had no idea. Not once did she check the time. Unexpectedly, he reached down and swung her up into his arms, carrying her to his bedroom, making her giggle.

"Hey!" She tried to protest.

"You said you wanted to go home." He pointed out simply. She cupped his face and kissed him. "Woa! You're gonna make me trip and fall. Don't complain if we both land our asses on the hard floor."

"I won't." She said playfully.

Once inside his bedroom, he put her down, but kept his hard arms around her for long moments. With one hand he caressed her back and then, lowered his lips to hers in the lightest of kisses.

He was so gentle, but Dear Lord above, she was pretty sure it wasn't gentleness she wanted, not now, not after all this time. She knotted her fists in his shirt, pulling him harder against her. Her fingers grip his hair, trying to pull him even closer. He groaned softly, low in his throat. He's everywhere up her back and over her arms and suddenly his kisses are fiercer, deeper, with a fervent urgent need she hadn't experienced in a very long time. "Come to think of it," she thought. "The last time was with him. Oh fuck, it has always been him."

She could feel every bit of her body dissolving into his. Her whole body was throbbing with aching desire as her heart exploded. He pushed her backward and, in an instant, they were lying down, making out on the floor.

"Oh, Anna." He moaned lightly. His whole world was turned upside down, but he had to find it in him, to break off the kisses and say what he meant to say all along. "Anna." He repeated. There was some urgency in his voice this time. Their lips parted, something was off and she knew it.

'Why stop now?' She thought.

"Anna, I need to talk to you. About the 'I still remember', you know, you were right. There's something to it." He continued and got her full attention. He could see that she was breathing faster and feel her sudden tension.

"Okay, sugar. What about it?"

"Do you remember how we used to say that if we were not married to other people by the time you were thirty that we promised each other we…" She gasped a big 'Oh'. She remembered alright what he was talking about.

"I do. I mean, I do remember." She said, a nervous giggle escaped her. "So what?"

"Well, every time you give your word, you're putting your honor on the line, chére."

"Do you want me to be a good honorable lady and keep my promise?"

"Yes." His lips curved into a smirk. "Would it be a pleasure or a sacrifice?"

"A pleasure, the greatest one. Wanna know why?"

"Yes." He was now smiling, the brightest smile she'd ever seen adorn his lips.

"Because I'm tired of running from that feeling, of loving you. I finally feel like I am a grown-up woman, mature enough to know that love doesn't shackle me, doesn't stop me from being who I am, more importantly, now I know it's no monster. There's nothing to fear. And, God! Was I afraid before! I thought that with love came pain. But now, and today I got a taste of that, love made me happy, you know? I was exhilarated at the prospect of having a date with you tonight, sugar." She paused and sighed deeply. Her eyes holding his in place, shining bright. "I'm in peace with myself now." She continued. "And I'm so excited about this thing, us, together. And I just wanted to say… I'm sorry, Remy. For all the times I've hurt you. It was never my intention."

"I know that, mon amour." His gaze was serene. "So, there's a ring…"

"A ring? Really?" She laughed.

"Yeah, a ring. You'll accept my ring, and with that, accept defeat. Touché, chére. I win!"

"We both win."

"We both win." He repeated.

At his lips' touch, she blossomed like a flower and she just knew in her heart that her return to innocence was complete.

The End _

A/N:

Thank you all for your kind reviews, but let me take this opportunity to have a one to one with Legna, who refuses to make an account LOL

Your latest review of this fic, Legna, it was the best review of all history of Romy reviews ever! Seriously! First, I agree with everything you said. Oh, and even found out about that conference you mentioned, ha! Because my friend katkaract52 told me she watched it too. LOL, Well, thanks for your words and everything you said about Rogue made a lot of sense to me. Let's hope that in this mini-series we get more insight into her character. You're totally right, we don't know much about her as we know about Remy, for instance. I love reading your review, and it helped me build that last thing Rogue said, about not being afraid anymore. So, thanks.

Now, guys, Rogue singing Vogue was not by chance. It was a reference to that fuckingtastic variant cover of X Men Legacy #225. If you haven't seen it, be sure to check it out. And oh, I guess only people of the 90s will get it. She's striking a pose like Madonna in Vogue video. Very very cool!

And I wanted it posted today because… the time has arrived, guys! In a few hours, I'll be able to read my Rogue Gambit. I'll buy the digital copy at Marvel website. I. CAN'T. WAIT!

If you could review it with your thoughts, I'd appreciate it.

And… happy new year, Romy Lovers. May 2018 be a good year for us all.


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